Monday, November 28, 2005

Lack of Entries, etc.

I apologize for the lack of entries lately. I was home for Thanksgiving and I had some pretty adventurous experiences. Aside from being a drunken fool, though, I actually worked on some writing, but there isn't anything complete enough to post as an entry. I've been working on some more extensive things; the recounting of my nights will only happen on an extremely limited basis from now on. I kind of realized that unless you were actually there, the stories are less than interesting.

Coming soon on Nothing Standard Here:
- Why Being a Broke College Student Doesn't Suck
- Jesus Saves?
- Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper and You
- Television Commercials (continued from my Myspace blog)
- Religion vs. Cults: A Compare/Contrast Essay
- Anything else you'd like to see written about - let me know.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Tucker Max


Last night I had the great privelege of drinking with The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Tucker Max. I'll recount the night briefly.

The speech Tucker Max gave at Cornell was completely packed. People filled every single seat, every window ledge, every inch of available standing space, every doorway, and a crowd gathered to about 15 feet past the doorway. Needless to say, we could barely see him, let alone hear him. It was about 6:30 p.m. at that point and we decided to just go to the bar where he would be drinking at after the speech.

We show up at the bar and (as per usual routine) are the first ones there. The bartenders didn't even seem to know what was going on, so we just paid our $10 for the all-you-can-drink and got started right away. Sure enough, Tucker Max shows up about half an hour or so later. What I was surprised about, however, was that he wasn't followed in by 100 fans. Apparently, this was a relatively private party hosted by the Sigma Phi fraternity. We talked to the brothers though, and they were more than cool with us staying and drinking.

I was apprehensive about approaching Tucker Max and being "that guy," but I figured what the fuck? When will I ever have this chance again? So I walk up and ask him for a picture, and he's like "Yeah man I love pictures." I talked with him for the next 15 minutes or so and I can tell you one thing: don't be fooled into thinking he is this self-righteous asshole that he sometimes claims to be on his site. He was really fucking cool. I just asked him a bunch of questions and he gave me genuine responses, even laughed at a couple of my stupid jokes. He told Will and I that we "Weren't weirdos" so he didn't mind us asking some questions. All in all, it was a wild night. I got more than I could have asked for and it's still hard for me to believe that just last night I was drinking a beer with Tucker Max.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Pumped to the nth Degree

In just a few short hours, I will be en route to Ithaca for Thanksgiving Break. I supremely excited for the home-cooked meals (Thanksgiving feast in particular), the drinking, the sloth-like home experience in general, seeing the Ithaca crowd, and the lack of anything serious to do for 10 days. Tonight, however, there is something that has me pumped to the nth degree. At 6:00 p.m. I will be seeing Tucker Max at Cornell University. He will be giving a lecture, and then going out to the bars afterwards. I obviously will also be headed there as well. I will follow this up with an entry tomorrow or the next day recounting the experience.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

What?

Just a quick post because I thought this was funny. It is the lunch selection at one of the dining halls on campus (Wilsbach, for those of you at Oneonta). They usually have some sort of weird dish, so finding something bogus on the menu isn't an uncommon occurrence. The menu really caught my eye today though:

Lunch

Grill Special
Monte Carlo

Deli Special
Vegetables and Pesto Baguette

International
Asian Jazz Salad

Classics
Menu Posted Daily

Vegetarian
Manicotti with Sauce

Vegan
Vegetable and Tofu Stir Fry

What the fuck is ASIAN JAZZ SALAD? I can't even imagine. And Monte Carlo? "Last time I checked, that was a car, not a dish to serve hungry college students." -Will Kahn

Also, check out Chris's latest entry. It's really funny and worth reading.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Learn How to Type

Alright people. There is something that's really been irking me lately. It seems like some people just can't seem to type in any sort of normal way. It's bad enough that our generation is already getting dumber by the minute due to the excessive amount of video games and TV we watch (exponentially more than any generation that preceded us), but now a good portion of the online world types like a complete fucking retard. I know this isn't necessarily a new development, but it's really been getting on my nerves.*
1. Some girls can't seem to figure out how to type in their instant messenger profiles. Being the compulsive away message checker that I am, I tend to see lots of profiles on a daily basis. It's only girls, at least in my experience, that type like this. I am referring to two specific kinds of typing here: either the kind where there are no spaces between words, or the kind where there is just one space between every letter, regardless of where the word stops or ends. For example:

-- lookforthegirlwiththebrokensmile
-- livelifetothefullest
-- t h e r e i s h o p e
-- mygirlsrockmylife!

You get the point. Ugh, it makes me want to vomit typing like that. What is the point of this? Are you trying to convey that you are more "emo" than the next girl? Because boy that's sure a desirable trait...barf. Perhaps what you have to say is so important that it needs to be typed (in an AIM profile) with no spaces, or by spacing it so ridiculously that it can hardly be read. Yeah, that's it. Chances are, what you are putting in your profile is so cliche or "emo" that it either doesn't need to be stated in the first place, or it's something that no one wants to hear anyway. Check out the Golden Rules of IM: Part One and Part Two for some more profile/AIM advice.
I understand that some people are lazy, because I am certainly one of those people. But seriously, are you incapable of putting a space in the right place? I don't even care if you don't use proper capitalization, punctuation, or grammar, though I will rightly assume you are a moron. Just space your damn words the right way.
2. There is no need to inappropriately use capitalization. If you're not going to use it the right way, just leave it out. An example of this would be any jackass who types "wooOOOooOTTttT" or "ooo0o0o0o0ohhh!" or anything that resembles that. A similar form of online idiot is anyone who uses alternate casing (e.g., "yO sOn WhAtChU dOiN 2nIte!?"). Are you kidding me with this shit? I can't even take your typing seriously, much less what you have to say. All I can think of is that you are somehow trying to convince me that you are a 1980s wannabe computer hacker.
3. Okay, I lied. People who can't spell and use at least something resembling proper grammar piss me off too. I understand that if English isn't your first language it can be tough. That's cool. I'm referring to these college students (!) that can't put a fucking sentence together. How'd you even get accepted into a post-secondary school? Everyone misspells a word here and there, but when you type "definately" or the wrong version of "your/you're" or "they're/there/their" to me over and over again, I want to saw off my arm and knock myself out with it. Get a fucking clue.
4. Enough with the abbreviations. Again, being an extremely sloth-like person at times, I understand that you're lazy. However, we developed this communication medium where we don't even have to leave our seat to talk to people anywhere over the world (the telephone). Now, with newer technology, we don't even have to actually TALK (instant messenger, e-mail, etc.). Do we really need to get even lazier and write out sentences like "wutup yo im guna b @ tha bball cort b4 u 2nite" (for lack of a more creative or realistic example) all the time?

LEARN HOW TO TYPE PLEASE!

*As with any rule, there are always exceptions =)

Monday, November 14, 2005

Linkswap

E-mail me at nothingstandardhere@yahoo.com or contact me on AIM if you'd like me to display your link under the "Links" section. I'll check out your blog/web site/whatever you've got going on and if I think that it doesn't suck I will link to you, provided you link to me on your site.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I am not a good runner




This picture was taken a few weeks ago; I'm mainly posting it as a test to see what the images will look like. Anyway, while walking home from a party, I decided to race someone while I was solidly intoxicated. I seemed to temporarily forget that it has been months since I have done anything remotely athletic. Apparently I thought my chances of winning this race would be better if I ran barefoot (down the middle of the street). If you look closely you can see that I'm holding my socks in my left hand. I clearly lost the race, and this is how I ended up -- momentarily passed out on someone's lawn in downtown Oneonta. This is now one of my favorite pictures of myself.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Unexpected Turn of Events

I don't think it's particularly interesting to document a night in a "We did this, then we did this, then we did this" manner, but bear with me. Last night started off shitty, got shittier, and then all of a sudden was just so awesome and fun that I feel the need to write it down.


Friday nights are presumably one of the two wildest nights of the week in terms of parties (the other being Saturday in most cases). I would assume this is true just about anywhere. Last night, a Friday, was not looking very promising for us though. It was almost 10 p.m. and we were still sitting around in our common room trying to figure out what the fuck we were going to do with the night. We finally hear about a party and head downtown.
We get to this party and it seems to be pretty average. After finally getting a beer, though, I realize that there's something a little odd about the beer. The taste is slightly off. It tastes almost like someone dropped a coin in your cup after you take a swig. It has that metallic aftertaste...hard to describe, but maybe you know what I mean. At any rate, it was disgusting.
I couldn't even down more than 4 or 5 beers before both kegs were kicked. This seemed to be true with the rest of the group as well. Our quest to get drunk clearly couldn't be accomplished there, so we headed out pretty quickly.
"Free Beer at [Generic Frat]! And Lots of It!" Those words were brought up via a cell phone call, and my eyes light up. Free drinks? I'm there. What sounds too good to be true usually is, I guess. These plans fell through completely. Our supposed "inside frat guy" was nowhere to be found. It's now somewhere around midnight and I am nowhere near drunk. This fact could be looked past if I was having a good time, but like everyone else, I was not. Walking around Oneonta in 30 degree weather without any alcohol armor to keep me warm, dead sober, with no plans on a Friday night is not my (or anyone's) idea of a good time. Going to the bars isn't even an option because those of us who are 21 are dead broke. I guess going to the bars every night isn't a good idea if you want to have money.
Anyway, Will ends up getting the OK to get some money out of the bank. This eases some tension, as with this newfound money, at least we can get drunk for sure. Our dreams are once again quickly crushed when Will realizes he has lost his ATM card. Not good. That situation had the opposite effect on the night that we wanted. We make a split-second decision to go to a local pizza joint to get pizza and pitchers.
This turns out to be the best decision ever. Somehow pitchers just keep coming to our table (Thanks, in most part, to Bootstrap, Justin, Sexy Rachel, and Sexy Mary. You guys are great). For no real reason, we hardly stopped laughing the whole night. Boot starts laughing with his crazy laugh (which was replicated by various tables throughout the night), Justin starts laughing at Boot, and before you know it we are all in stitches. It's hard to describe what was actually going on, but we were in an uproar for the majority of the night. Just due to our laughing, we caused four tables of people to get up and leave the restaurant, and the Oneonta Police showed up (the latter may have been purely coincidental...I like to think it was because of our laughter though). The owner of the restaurant actually cut us off towards the end of the night. In reality, we really still weren't that drunk. We were just having such a good time that we couldn't stop laughing. My whole body still hurts as I write this the next day. I really have never laughed so hard in my life, and I have it all on my voice recorder.
This story turned out to be much longer than I expected it to be. In fact, now that I have read it over, it probably isn't nearly as funny if you don't know me or the people mentioned. Oh well.
Moral of the story: Any night can be turned awesome with the right attitude.

Friday, November 11, 2005

New Look

I have Chris to thank for my new blog look. He spent some time making me a new template from scratch and his help is greatly appreciated. The new look is still a work in progress, so it will only get better from here. I just couldn't take the regular pre-designed template I had up before so I wanted to get the new one in as soon as possible despite the fact that it is still being finished. Let me know what you think.

Where do they go?


As I was watching Nickelodeon GAS (Games and Sports) tonight, I had a mini-revelation. Legends of the Hidden Temple was on, and I was having an awesome time watching it. What I didn't pick up on before tonight, however, was how utterly creepy the show is. For lack of a sober idea of how to explain it, I'll make a short list right now.

1. Kirk Fogg - He is the host of the show, and if you pay attention, he is a very strange guy. He's very touchy-feely with all the contestants (none of which are more than 12 years old). He also wears that stupid belt, which serves no purpose except for holding his microphone and Pendants of Life. The only positive thing about this guy is that he has an awesome name. Kirk Fogg? Is your name that sweet? No.
2. Omek - Aside from having a bizarre voice, this thing also qualifies in the "creepy" category. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that he does something whenever the kids go into his temple (final round). He MOANS! Maybe it's just me, but I found this shit to be really annoying, funny, and disgusting all in the same ball of wax. Is he serious? What the fuck, Omek.
3. The Kids Suck - This doesn't necessarily fit into the "creepy" category, but it needs to be said. Does nobody else realize that all the kids on this show are athletically inept? All I could ever think about watching this show as a kid is that I could do so much better than these jokers that were on there. I still think that, actually. Maybe it's for entertainment value. I'm not sure. I am very positive, however, that the kids that participate in these events (even if they're Silver Snakes or Green Monkeys, clearly the two best teams on the show) suck big time.
4. Every Team is Boy-Girl - Yes, this is another side note from the "creepy" list. I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything, because I'm really not, but admit it: the girls on Legends of the Hidden Temple are never as good as the guys. What is especially prevalent is their huge mistakes in Omek's Temple at the end. The girl seems to usually go first, and she'll take up two minutes or more, leaving the guy with one or less. I won't rant on this too much, but I think that they should have allowed people to choose their own teams, regardless of gender.
5. The Temple Guards are the Ultimate Creepy - This is relating back to the original point. This point is actually the reason that inspired this entry. How fucking creepy are the Temple Guards? They just come out of the nowhere and abduct these children in some sort of perverted homage to Omek. Furthermore, where do they take you when you don't have any Pendants of Life? This creeps me out more than anything. The Temple Guards take you off to some unknown back room and who knows what goes on after that. Luckily, the kid always manages to make it out to the main floor by the closing credits.

Geez, Kirk fucking Fogg. Despite the creepiness of your show, I love Legends of the Hidden Temple. I only wish that there were new episodes, and that they featured college students instead of middle schoolers. How sweet would that be?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

It Starts...

This is my first real entry as a blogspot blogger. The previous entries are from my Myspace blog, and I decided to post them here too because I like them. There will rarely, if ever, be so many posts in one day, I promise. I don't really have anything important to say right now so I won't bore you with trying to create a big-time first entry. It is Ladies' Night at The Rail tonight, though, which means that for $8 ($3 if I were a member of the female persuasion) I drink whatever I want until last call. I may or may not make a drunken post later on.

Saw II review

Today I partook in an off-campus adventure that didn't involve alcohol. That was a nice change of pace. My roommates and I went down to the mall to see Saw II. Since I have a few minutes to kill before dinner, I'm going to post a short review.
Very few sequels live up to the original movie. That being said, Saw II fell into that category. The nature of the original Saw, the whole concept of the movie, and most of all the surprise ending put it easily in my top 10 movies ever. I think it really is in a class of its own as far as suspense/horror movies go. So despite hearing rave reviews of Saw II, I was still a little skeptical about it being "much better than the first" and it having a "much more surprising ending."
Although it wasn't as good as the first, Saw II really was an awesome movie. It definitely has parts that are more gory, more extreme, and more surprising than the original (excluding the end of the original). I liked the way the movie was filmed, and I thought the acting was actually better than the first. Sorry Cary Elwes, I really thought you were better in Liar Liar. Overall, though, it really wasn't quite as good as the first one. There are also many parts of Saw II that didn't make much sense to me, but out of respect for people who haven't seen it yet, I won't include those in my review (no one likes that guy).

Overall rating for Saw II: A-

That's Karma, bitch

I consider myself to be a pretty nice person. I can be pessimistic at times, and sometimes I get slightly out of control when I'm drunk, but I almost always treat other people respectfully. I'm never openly mean to someone unless it's really warranted. Given that, I find it hard to understand how some people can be mean or rude for no reason.
On our usual post-party-let's-go-drink-pitchers adventure last night (might as well party on Wednsedays...it's Oneonta, why not?), we were talking about the movie Saw. We were taking a vote at our table of who liked/disliked the movie, and when only one person disliked the movie, I wanted to get a larger sample group. I turned around to the table behind me, and it happened to be all girls sitting there. So I asked something like, "Did you ladies like the movie Saw?" It's a simple question. I wasn't trying to hit on them and I know I wasn't being belligerent. Instead of being friendly and giving me a yes or no answer, though, she did one of those, "Ugh..." *sigh* *flip hair to the side* *give me a nasty look like I'm some sort of leper*
I turned back around, because I didn't really care enough to say anything more and call her out on being a bitch. I continued talking to my friends and drinking at a vigorous pace. Soon enough, I noticed the girls had left. Whatever, fuck them. Not everyone is nice I guess. I think nothing more of them until I see police lights flashing.
We all go to the window to see what's happening (I personally am never too busy that I can't take pleasure in somebody else's misfortune). Some girls have been pulled over on the side of Main Street. Sure enough, it is the girls from the table behind ours. This is too good to be true. There is a crowd of us watching this drunk bitch try to walk in a straight line, fail miserably, and then proceed to fail each field sobriety test that was administered to her. A quick breathalyzer was all it took to get her thrown in the back of the cop car and taken presumably to jail. What made it more awesome was that the other girls in the car were also very wasted and could not drive the girl's car. This meant that the original cop had to call for backup, and he had to drive the girl's car somewhere. Hopefully it was impounded.
This whole situation was even more awesome because we heard various comments from the crowd that was watching this all take place.
"Geez, that sucks."
"Yeah, that's really shitty for anyone."
"I know that girl!"
After the excitement died down a little, we continued drinking until last call, after which we got a cab back to campus. Who knows what would have happened if that girl had answered me. Maybe that would have changed her departure time by a few seconds and the cop wouldn't have been there to pull her over. I hope she reads this and is a little nicer next time.

(Un)Successful Mills Venture

While waiting in the never-ending sub line at downstairs Mills, I found myself right in front of an extremely annoying person. It's bad enough that the line took about 20 minutes before I got to the front; to make my night a little worse, though, the kid behind me not only has a really thick NYC accent (which I despise) but he's fighting with his mom via cell phone. That was really fun, listening to Johnny Annoying Pants tell his mother why he can't get into law school.
I finally (!) get to the front of the line. I am so hungry by now. It is now my turn to order though. I open my mouth to say, "I'll have a 12-inch Italian sub please," but before I can even get a word out, Jane Sub-maker decides that it's time to re-stock the entire meat and cheese section. Perfect. It ends up taking her so long that I am served by her co-worker who is at the next sub "station" and has already served the girl in front of me.
I won't even get into the "I wish I could make my own sub at Mills" thing, because unless by some fluke you get the one or two good sub-makers there (okay I'll get into it), chances are you will get any combination of the following:
- too much meat (very common)
- too much cheese
- not enough lettuce
- the wrong proportion of oil/vinegar
- they don't even have half the ingredients you want
- entirely too much more of something when you request "a little more"
- any number of other mis-haps
A solid 30 minutes later, I am holding my sub. Johnny Annoying Pants has gotten off the phone with his mom, I'm standing in line to pay now...life is good. No, of course it isn't. Johnny Cashier decides that he needs to re-stock the plastic bags, even though there are clearly at least a dozen left. So instead of having two cashiers, there is only one, and she is not in a good mood -- this is also common. I now realize what is causing her misfortune (or at least part of the reason). She is stumped about something, which not only makes her unhappy, but also means that I have to wait in line for a little while longer while Jane Assistant Shift Supervisor at a Shitty Overpriced College Store comes over to show her which order to push the buttons in. Another five minutes go by, and I am in the front of the line. YES! I hand Jane Cashier my card, she swipes it, I have now paid for my sub (and a cup of coffee I got while waiting in line), and I am all set. "No, I don't need a bag, thanks," I tell Jane Cashier. "Have a great night," she replies sarcastically. She must love her job.
Time to eat. Thanks, Mills crew!

Hulbert Dining Hall Review

Will and I decided to grab some food at the supposed new-and-improved Hulbert Dining Room. I can tell you that it was a big mistake to eat there.

-My cheeseburger was horrid. The bun was so crusty it almost crumbled when I picked it up. I inspected the inside, and found the toppings to be pretty old. The tomato slice was shriveled and starting to look like a lumpy red finger or something. The lettuce was really dark green and uninviting. The cheese was neither melted nor fresh; it was kind of a post-being hot phase. It was very hard also, which grossed me out. I never thought I'd crave a Wilsbach phase-burger. Needless to say, I didn't even take a bite of this "cheeseburger."

-I try the fries. Blah. Very cold and under-cooked. I try a few more just to make sure the first one wasn't a fluke, and of course it was not. Boo to the whole cheeseburger/fries situation.

-The pasta I got wasn't too bad, but it wasn't cooked enough. I decide to take a safer road, and get a bowl of cereal. Can't go wrong right? Well, almost right.

-There wasn't anything wrong with the cereal, but at Wilsbach they have awesome cereal: Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Fruit Loops, etc. At Hulbert, this is what they had: regular Cheerios (not something good like Honey Nut Cheerios, because they rock), Cornflakes, generic Kix, Frosted Shredded Wheat, and Raisin Bran. Did I accidentally stumble into the health food section or what? I get regular Cheerios just so I can fill my stomach a little bit.

-Before we depart, I decide to get a cup of coffee. It was so unnecessarily hot that it was scalding my fingers even through the cup.

Overall Hulbert Dining Hall rating: D

AXE: The College Shower

I love axe. Not only do I have the AXE "body spray," which I think is owned by almost every single college guy, but I also own the actual AXE anti-perspirant/deoderant AND the shower gel. As I write this, I see the AXE arsenal in front of me. It's like a small army. I have Kilo, Phoenix, Touch, Orion, Unlimited, and Apollo.

"Why so many scents?" you might find yourself wondering. Why not? Variety is the AXE scents of life, or something like that.

Also, I tend to use AXE a lot for what I think it should be used for: an alternative to showering every day.

"Wow, this kid sure is a scumbag."

No, I'm really not. At home I shower every day. I just don't like showering in the dorm showers. They're disgusting, and the whole process of putting on shower sandals, carting my shower caddy and towel around, and walking all the way down the hall is so annoying. I still shower, don't get me wrong, but only when I smell or get dirty. I think it was George Carlin who once said that unless you're a garbage man or you do something every day that involves intense physical labor in which you sweat profusely, a shower every day is just unnecessary. I wholeheartedly agree. I partake in the "AXE shower" when I wake up. This involves a quick re-application of deoderant, a spray of the body spray on your new outfit (or sometimes, depending on how much you drank the night before, the outfit you passed out in), and you are ready to go. No disgusting tub, no moldy shower curtain, no uncomfortable shower sandals, no hike to get there...it's just a better experience. It's faster, safer (you can't contract any diseases or slip and fall in the AXE shower), and just as effective.

As it is, however, even the AXE shower can't save me today. I'm off to the dorm shower.

More Names I Dislike

Currently, the last post on the Pet Peeves list reads as follows:


-Most guys with the following names: Todd, Darryl, Stanley, Guy (not pronounced "Gee," because that's cool), 'topher (when your real name is Christopher), and Ishmael. Ishmael mostly just for good measure.


In addition to these stupid names, I am going to add some more. Note that these are just the names I find to be disturbing, not the actual person. I realize that you could just be unfortunate enough to have of these ridiculous guy names and still be a cool chap. Probably not though.

-Bryce
-Blake
-Gaylord (let's face it parents...what were you thinking?)
-Blane
-Christian
-Herman
-any androgenous name
-I also tend to dislike any suffix on a name beyond Jr. or Sr. If you want to name your kid after you, that's cool. But it ends after one time. There is no need to be Blake Christian Kennedy IV. We no longer live in medieval times, and it's certainly no longer trendy to be the fucking fourth, fifth, or ninth consecutive guy in your family's legacy to have the same exact name. What happened to people being unique and original?

Bathroom Etiquette

My roommate and I created this list of bathroom etiquette because it was really needed. We posted the list in various places around our dorm bathroom.


BATHROOM ETIQUETTE

Preamble:

In order to keep the bathroom safe, hygienic, and usable for all parties involved, we, the occupants of room 231 have compiled the following list of rules and regulations of BATHROOM ETIQUETTE, that, if followed, will make everyone's lavoratory experience much more enjoyable and fun. :)



1. Poo and pee in designated stalls (pee on the left, poo on the right). This will ensure that no one has to sit down on urine.
2. PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET EVERY TIME. Although not flushing may have seemed like a rebellious act at age ten, now it is just unsanitary and gross.
3. Toilet paper should go in the toilet, not on the floor. Especially if it has poo on it, because there has been poopy toilet paper discarded on the floor by the toilet. Come on.
4. Sex in the shower is not frowned upon, but please refrain from urinating, or doing anything defamatory (e.g., flogging the dolphin).
5. If you vomit due to underestimating your ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol, or for any other reason, clean it up. It doesn't have to be immediately, but please make a conscious effort. This means you have to do more than just throw some toilet paper on top of the mess. This applies "double time" if said vomiting occurs anytime between Friday evening and Sunday.
6. Wash erroneous hair and toothpaste down the sink drain or otherwise dispose of it. No one wants your whiskers on their toothbrush or hands.
7. Attempt to pee in the toilet bowl, not on or around it. Again, we are no longer 10 years old, and at this stage in life, your aim should be pretty decent. Obviously mistakes will be made, especially if you are wasted; just do your best. Go for the gold!
8. If you clog the toilet, let someone know so the situation can be remedied and the next person who needs to drop a red hot steamer doesn't have to wait or hold it in. Nobody likes that.

Everyone thanks you for your cooperation.

Pet Peeves

PET PEEVES

by Bryan Lewis and Will Kahn

****Disclaimer****

If you belong to any of these groups or exhibit any of the traits listed herein, you should not be reading this to begin with, because you probably suck. These are in no particular order. That being said, enjoy!
Edit: Will and I made this list just for fun; please don't read too much into it. It's just a list of stuff that pisses us off, nothing more. Don't take it (or anything else I write) too seriously.


-People who drive slowly in the left lane of the thruway
-People who use umbrellas. Get a jacket and a hat dude
-Americans who can't speak the English language properly
-"Non-conformists"
-90% of guys who belong to a fraternity
-People who always look to start a fight. Don't be upset because you have tiny testicles. It's a side effect of the all the steroids you're goosed up on
-Liars (especially girls who lie) and people who are two-faced
-People who do drugs because they think it makes them look cool
-People who talk constantly through class and distract me
-People who don't read books...EVER
-People who refuse to expand their musical horizons
-People who can't or refuse to admit it when they're wrong
-Anyone who blindly supports the Bush administration
-People who take forever to order food while I'm in line
-People who refer to professional athletes/celebrities by their first name, as though they are friends with him or her. e.g., "Pedro pitched awesome last night." Or, "Did you see Denzel's new movie´┐Ż"
-A good amount of jocks, especially baseball, football and wrestling people.
-People who mispronounce words, e.g. Pun-kin or Li-bary
-People who charge inexpensive items to their credit card
-Vegans
-People whose first and last name don't add up to at least 3 syllables, with the only exception being Brett Shacht
-People who wear real fur coats or animal skin boots
-Designer bags (disgusting)
-People who don't care what's going on in our country
-Christian Conservatives/Christian Scientists
-People who talk too loudly in a public setting. You know who you are!
-Hands free cell phone kits and the douche bags that use them outside of their vehicle
-People who wear shorts outside during the winter, thinking they're unique or something
-People with poor umbrella etiquette. If you're going to be an asshole and use one, please keep the pointy things away from my retinas
-People who count the exact number of beers/drinks they had at a party; moreso, anyone who must insist on telling you throughout the night how fucked up they are
-People who smoke weed, listen to rap music and think they're Biggie Smalls
-Racist people
-Ignorant people
-White/Asian guys who dress like some homeboy from Brooklyn. Get your own style, you impersonator. Also, anyone of any race who speaks in Ebonics (Black English Vernacular)
-Guys who intentionally wear clothes that are too tight. You're so EMO
-People who are stingy with money when they clearly have a lot of it
-Anyone who wears one of those stupid WWJD bracelets. Also, anyone who wears a Yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet for fashionable reasons or any one of the plethora of bullshit bracelets currently sweeping the nation
-Anyone with a thick Long Island/NYC accent
-People who can't seem to flush the toilet. Although maybe this was a rebellious act age 10, now it's just unsanitary and gross
-Fat people who, although they know that they're fat, refuse to exercise or eat properly and instead just lay around all day eating more and complaining.
-Girls who say they're fat when they're clearly not
-The fucking Atkins Diet
-People who are so fat that, even though they are not disabled in any way, must use a wheel chair to get around and/or have a handicap sticker on their car
-90% of reality TV
-75% of all TV
-Fat girls who wear ass pants with "hottie" or "princess" written on them
-People who complain about contacts but refuse to wear glasses
-People who spend too much time in front of the mirror
-Girls who wear way too much make up
-People who have simple ass jobs but still can't do them properly, and I end up picking up the slack
-Anyone who plays fantasy games, e.g., D&D, Magic Cards, etc
-Girls who don't say thank you when I go out of my way to hold the door for them
-People who listen to bad rap music (almost any rap made in the last few years) and people who listen to the crap on MTV.
-People who overuse quotes from movies or TV e.g. "I'm Rick James BITCH!"
-People who get genuinely offended at stupid things, e.g., swearing. (Edit: Although I blog about lots of trivial things that piss me off, that should not by any means convey that I am genuinely offended by them)
-People who are pro-censorship
-People who contradict themselves on a regular basis
-When you are hanging out with someone (especially if it's a girl) and they make plans to do something else right in front of you
-Girls who lead guys on
-Girls who drone on about guys while in the company of other guys
-People who breathe really loudly, specifically in a quiet setting e.g., during a test. (Oh Fatty McGee, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again)
-Anything related to NASCAR. Argh! Driving a car around in a circle isn't a sport, and most certainly doesn't take any talent. If I wanted to watch cars driving around, I'd bring a chair to the god damn highway
-The abnormal amount of work due during the last 2 weeks of the semester
-The influx of bad Latin music after (and including) Ricky Martin
-People who complain about the weather no matter what it's like outside
-Jessica Simpson style boots
-Bad drivers in general. Public transportation is here for a reason, use it
-Females with facial hair. YOWZA!
-When you can't tell if someone is male or female
-Girls with guy haircuts (what the fuck is it with these androgenetic people?)
-People who prolong class by asking the most inane questions
-When the teacher asks a blatantly obvious question to the whole class, but no one answers and I feel obligated to (but don't because I'm lazy)
-People who wear professional sports clothes/accessories and don't know anything about the team except that the colors match their shoes and doo-rag
-The unnecessarily large (long) t-shirts that gangsta's wear
-Pre-ripped jeans
-How big of a deal it is to download music for free
-People who whistle along to a song, specifically if their whistling is slightly off key
-How these blow-out haircut-rocking, designer clothes-wearing, sunglasses-inside assholes seem to get the hottest girls. I have yet to find out ladies find so attractive about these guys.
-When someone suggests something in conversation but then doesn't say what it is; e.g., "You should have seen what Bob did last night, it was so crazy." "What'd he do?" "Never mind."
-People who say, "That's hot!" just because Paris Hilton does
-People who think Paris Hilton has any other talents besides what she can do in the sack
-When shirts shrink in the dryer
-Companies that knowingly pollute the environment
-The fact that it's "hip" to be into Kabbalah because of Madonna, who, ironically, was once one of the nations biggest whores. Makes you think, huh?
-People who talk online on AIM or some sort of instant messaging service while I'm on the phone with them
-Most guys with the following names: Todd, Darryl, Stanley, Guy (not pronounced gee, because that's cool), 'topher (when your real name is Christopher), and Ishmael. Ishmael mostly just for good measure.
-more to come later-