Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Pet Peeves


by Bryan Lewis and Will Kahn


If you belong to any of these groups or exhibit any of the traits listed herein, you should not be reading this to begin with, because you probably suck. These are in no particular order. That being said, enjoy!
Edit: Will and I made this list just for fun; please don't read too much into it. It's just a list of stuff that pisses us off, nothing more. Don't take it (or anything else I write) too seriously.

-People who drive slowly in the left lane of the thruway
-People who use umbrellas. Get a jacket and a hat dude
-Americans who can't speak the English language properly
-90% of guys who belong to a fraternity
-People who always look to start a fight. Don't be upset because you have tiny testicles. It's a side effect of the all the steroids you're goosed up on
-Liars (especially girls who lie) and people who are two-faced
-People who do drugs because they think it makes them look cool
-People who talk constantly through class and distract me
-People who don't read books...EVER
-People who refuse to expand their musical horizons
-People who can't or refuse to admit it when they're wrong
-Anyone who blindly supports the Bush administration
-People who take forever to order food while I'm in line
-People who refer to professional athletes/celebrities by their first name, as though they are friends with him or her. e.g., "Pedro pitched awesome last night." Or, "Did you see Denzel's new movie´┐Ż"
-A good amount of jocks, especially baseball, football and wrestling people.
-People who mispronounce words, e.g. Pun-kin or Li-bary
-People who charge inexpensive items to their credit card
-People whose first and last name don't add up to at least 3 syllables, with the only exception being Brett Shacht
-People who wear real fur coats or animal skin boots
-Designer bags (disgusting)
-People who don't care what's going on in our country
-Christian Conservatives/Christian Scientists
-People who talk too loudly in a public setting. You know who you are!
-Hands free cell phone kits and the douche bags that use them outside of their vehicle
-People who wear shorts outside during the winter, thinking they're unique or something
-People with poor umbrella etiquette. If you're going to be an asshole and use one, please keep the pointy things away from my retinas
-People who count the exact number of beers/drinks they had at a party; moreso, anyone who must insist on telling you throughout the night how fucked up they are
-People who smoke weed, listen to rap music and think they're Biggie Smalls
-Racist people
-Ignorant people
-White/Asian guys who dress like some homeboy from Brooklyn. Get your own style, you impersonator. Also, anyone of any race who speaks in Ebonics (Black English Vernacular)
-Guys who intentionally wear clothes that are too tight. You're so EMO
-People who are stingy with money when they clearly have a lot of it
-Anyone who wears one of those stupid WWJD bracelets. Also, anyone who wears a Yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet for fashionable reasons or any one of the plethora of bullshit bracelets currently sweeping the nation
-Anyone with a thick Long Island/NYC accent
-People who can't seem to flush the toilet. Although maybe this was a rebellious act age 10, now it's just unsanitary and gross
-Fat people who, although they know that they're fat, refuse to exercise or eat properly and instead just lay around all day eating more and complaining.
-Girls who say they're fat when they're clearly not
-The fucking Atkins Diet
-People who are so fat that, even though they are not disabled in any way, must use a wheel chair to get around and/or have a handicap sticker on their car
-90% of reality TV
-75% of all TV
-Fat girls who wear ass pants with "hottie" or "princess" written on them
-People who complain about contacts but refuse to wear glasses
-People who spend too much time in front of the mirror
-Girls who wear way too much make up
-People who have simple ass jobs but still can't do them properly, and I end up picking up the slack
-Anyone who plays fantasy games, e.g., D&D, Magic Cards, etc
-Girls who don't say thank you when I go out of my way to hold the door for them
-People who listen to bad rap music (almost any rap made in the last few years) and people who listen to the crap on MTV.
-People who overuse quotes from movies or TV e.g. "I'm Rick James BITCH!"
-People who get genuinely offended at stupid things, e.g., swearing. (Edit: Although I blog about lots of trivial things that piss me off, that should not by any means convey that I am genuinely offended by them)
-People who are pro-censorship
-People who contradict themselves on a regular basis
-When you are hanging out with someone (especially if it's a girl) and they make plans to do something else right in front of you
-Girls who lead guys on
-Girls who drone on about guys while in the company of other guys
-People who breathe really loudly, specifically in a quiet setting e.g., during a test. (Oh Fatty McGee, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again)
-Anything related to NASCAR. Argh! Driving a car around in a circle isn't a sport, and most certainly doesn't take any talent. If I wanted to watch cars driving around, I'd bring a chair to the god damn highway
-The abnormal amount of work due during the last 2 weeks of the semester
-The influx of bad Latin music after (and including) Ricky Martin
-People who complain about the weather no matter what it's like outside
-Jessica Simpson style boots
-Bad drivers in general. Public transportation is here for a reason, use it
-Females with facial hair. YOWZA!
-When you can't tell if someone is male or female
-Girls with guy haircuts (what the fuck is it with these androgenetic people?)
-People who prolong class by asking the most inane questions
-When the teacher asks a blatantly obvious question to the whole class, but no one answers and I feel obligated to (but don't because I'm lazy)
-People who wear professional sports clothes/accessories and don't know anything about the team except that the colors match their shoes and doo-rag
-The unnecessarily large (long) t-shirts that gangsta's wear
-Pre-ripped jeans
-How big of a deal it is to download music for free
-People who whistle along to a song, specifically if their whistling is slightly off key
-How these blow-out haircut-rocking, designer clothes-wearing, sunglasses-inside assholes seem to get the hottest girls. I have yet to find out ladies find so attractive about these guys.
-When someone suggests something in conversation but then doesn't say what it is; e.g., "You should have seen what Bob did last night, it was so crazy." "What'd he do?" "Never mind."
-People who say, "That's hot!" just because Paris Hilton does
-People who think Paris Hilton has any other talents besides what she can do in the sack
-When shirts shrink in the dryer
-Companies that knowingly pollute the environment
-The fact that it's "hip" to be into Kabbalah because of Madonna, who, ironically, was once one of the nations biggest whores. Makes you think, huh?
-People who talk online on AIM or some sort of instant messaging service while I'm on the phone with them
-Most guys with the following names: Todd, Darryl, Stanley, Guy (not pronounced gee, because that's cool), 'topher (when your real name is Christopher), and Ishmael. Ishmael mostly just for good measure.
-more to come later-


At 11/16/2005 9:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are extremely ignorant and hypocritical. Maybe you should read over your list because it sounds almost as if you hate yourself.

At 11/17/2005 4:24 PM, Blogger Bryan said...

I'm sorry you feel that way. You, sir (or ma'm? Who knows, you chose to post anonymously), are mistaken. I have, however, heeded your advice and made some edits because I could see how the way I phrased some things could be construed as hypocritical. Hope I don't lose you as my #1 fan!

At 1/14/2006 12:35 AM, Anonymous Sara Peters said...

hey Bryan! i know i haven't talked to u in forever but i still have u on my buddy list after like ten years, ha. go me lol. thats probably the last time u were around akron...anyways i was reading through ur list and i thought it was rather humorous...maybe i'll talk to you later sometime ~Sara~


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