Friday, November 11, 2005

Where do they go?


As I was watching Nickelodeon GAS (Games and Sports) tonight, I had a mini-revelation. Legends of the Hidden Temple was on, and I was having an awesome time watching it. What I didn't pick up on before tonight, however, was how utterly creepy the show is. For lack of a sober idea of how to explain it, I'll make a short list right now.

1. Kirk Fogg - He is the host of the show, and if you pay attention, he is a very strange guy. He's very touchy-feely with all the contestants (none of which are more than 12 years old). He also wears that stupid belt, which serves no purpose except for holding his microphone and Pendants of Life. The only positive thing about this guy is that he has an awesome name. Kirk Fogg? Is your name that sweet? No.
2. Omek - Aside from having a bizarre voice, this thing also qualifies in the "creepy" category. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that he does something whenever the kids go into his temple (final round). He MOANS! Maybe it's just me, but I found this shit to be really annoying, funny, and disgusting all in the same ball of wax. Is he serious? What the fuck, Omek.
3. The Kids Suck - This doesn't necessarily fit into the "creepy" category, but it needs to be said. Does nobody else realize that all the kids on this show are athletically inept? All I could ever think about watching this show as a kid is that I could do so much better than these jokers that were on there. I still think that, actually. Maybe it's for entertainment value. I'm not sure. I am very positive, however, that the kids that participate in these events (even if they're Silver Snakes or Green Monkeys, clearly the two best teams on the show) suck big time.
4. Every Team is Boy-Girl - Yes, this is another side note from the "creepy" list. I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything, because I'm really not, but admit it: the girls on Legends of the Hidden Temple are never as good as the guys. What is especially prevalent is their huge mistakes in Omek's Temple at the end. The girl seems to usually go first, and she'll take up two minutes or more, leaving the guy with one or less. I won't rant on this too much, but I think that they should have allowed people to choose their own teams, regardless of gender.
5. The Temple Guards are the Ultimate Creepy - This is relating back to the original point. This point is actually the reason that inspired this entry. How fucking creepy are the Temple Guards? They just come out of the nowhere and abduct these children in some sort of perverted homage to Omek. Furthermore, where do they take you when you don't have any Pendants of Life? This creeps me out more than anything. The Temple Guards take you off to some unknown back room and who knows what goes on after that. Luckily, the kid always manages to make it out to the main floor by the closing credits.

Geez, Kirk fucking Fogg. Despite the creepiness of your show, I love Legends of the Hidden Temple. I only wish that there were new episodes, and that they featured college students instead of middle schoolers. How sweet would that be?

14 Comments:

At 12/03/2005 7:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats pretty damn funny.

 
At 1/13/2006 6:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuckin faggot, don't ever hate on kirk fogg

 
At 1/13/2006 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

asshole

 
At 1/13/2006 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't hate on kirk fogg jerk

 
At 1/13/2006 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't hate on kirk fogg man

 
At 6/29/2006 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was amazing you think the same thing as my friend and i who were watching the show today and realizing how disgusting kirk fogg is. Although you did mention many funny parts of the show like the kids sucking you forgot to say how weird it is that kirks helpers touch the children way too much. I think the 12 year olds can manage to slide down a slide and climb a rope without being fondled by a 35 year old petifile.

 
At 8/21/2006 12:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

kirk fogg's sexy smile is a little creepy as well but other than that you totally read my mind

 
At 8/24/2006 6:36 PM, Blogger Capt.Charisma said...

hey i dont know who the FUCK this son of a bitch thinks he's talking to saying that shit about Kirk Fogg. Listen here boy,next time you wanna talk crap about my homeboy Kirk Fogg or about Legends of the Hidden Temple then you better watch your mouth because all of the fans of Kirk Fogg are going to kick your ass. Your probably a petifile.

 
At 9/06/2006 4:18 AM, Anonymous Julia said...

I have really been getting into legends of the hidden temple and was actually googling kirk fogg to see what happened to that creepy fuck. There is one episode in particular that I had to rewind, eh... twelve times... He totally checked out a ten year old boy, then stepped back and did this really creepy head nod. I would have puked, but the laughter took over.

 
At 10/10/2006 1:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me and my friends are trying to make this into a drinking game. However our first attempt was to drink everytime kirk touched the little children... we got smashed. and ran out of liquid too quickly. But otherwise, great idea.

 
At 11/14/2006 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LEGENDS ROCKS you suck.

the temple gaurds are the creepy part nothing else.
olmecs moan is not sexual pervs, get a life!

 
At 12/30/2006 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol thats funny as hell...i used to watch this show back in the day as a kid and me and my older sister just watched this on tv the other day...brought back some memories...although we both noticed how he was grabbing the kids trying to touch and hug them...i think kirk is harmless (yeah michael jackson too hah) but we were still cracking up and doing the voice of the old creepy guy from Family Guy (you know the old pedophile that hits on chris) hmmm..well why dont yall come on down to the cella' for some popsicles??

 
At 2/11/2007 7:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As i watch Legends as I type I do notice Kirks sexual tendencys with all of the underage contestants. when i was young and actually liked the show i still hated kirk and as i watch the show today years later i still think he is a creep. the t-shirts were the only cool thing about the show everything else from the cheesey prizes to no one EVER winning....i guess that is ok because the kids are so non athletic it is actually funny to watch and make fun of the poor kids...not to mention the games are SO DUMB (im watching one right now)

-silver snake-

 
At 4/21/2007 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously, this used to be my favorite game show ever and probably still is.

but come on. all the things you mentioned are not like you mkae them out to be. kirk fogg is probably not a petafile at all. and Omek's moan? that was stretched. the temple guards make the temple runs fun. you cant just give your pendants to nobody.

ok and the kids are 12 and younger. give them a break with the athleticism. who the hell cares? some of them are pretty athletic for their age. and the thing about the girls? im not a girl, but i can stick up for them on this one. some of the fastest times are recorded by girls. ive seen girls go in by themselves and complete the temple runs. not to take anything away from us guys, but give them some credit.

so basically you just need to watch the show and enjoy it and not hate on things that are rediculous like that.

 

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