Tuesday, January 31, 2006

GTA San Andreas

If anyone has noticed my lack of being online all the time, it's because San Andreas has consumed just about every waking moment of my life outside of class and going out since I started playing it about a week ago. I can't even begin to describe how addicting it is; those of you who have played it can probably attest to it though.
And if you have called me, I'm not so addicted to this game that I can't answer calls; I'm not that bad. Actually, what happened is I broke my charger and I have been too lazy to go to the Verizon store to get a new one.
So until I beat this game, I will probably not be online a whole lot. I realize this fact breaks many hearts, but I'm sure you will all find some way to deal. I still have a few posts that I am working on that are too incomplete to post as of now. Hopefully they'll be up soon (wow, how many times have I said that already?). Also, I might be putting up a quote/credo of the day if I feel motivated enough. Chances are that will also not happen, so don't get your hopes up percentN. JayKay! LOL semicolon paranthesis.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

I Didn't Think I Needed Another Myspace Post

Edit: I was, by no means, sober when I posted this. I edited it a little bit for spelling, but other than that I left my raw assaults on the English language as is. Enjoy.

I didn't think that this needed to be addressed again. Keep in mind, I am posting this after being pulled over by the Oneonta Police for an attempted robbery (for which, for the record, neither my friends or I committed). Anyway, I am SO FUCKING SICK of seeing this Myspace bulletin that I want to make the person who sent it shit out a goat. Here's what I got in a Myspace bulletin today:

"I didn't write this but here ya go...

I fucking have to agree with all of you who say people are getting fake on here. So I gave in and let's see who really reposts this. This is a fucking test to see who's paying attention. It serves to eliminate people who are desperately trying to add 'friends' like its a popularity contest in High School. This is a fucking test to see how many people in my friends list actually pay attention to me. Copy and fucking repost in your own bulletin. Lets see who the true friends are and I think I know who you are.....and who are the fake fags who added me because they want to have alot of friends...or should i say...associates. Repost this if you are a friend.. if you don't, Fuck you and you get deleted.. Don't reply... just copy and paste this in a new bulletin as FUCK A FRIEND"

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! FUCK OFF! Get a fucking life. If you posted this to me, PLEASE DELETE ME AS A FRIEND ON MYSPACE. It would really be embarassing for me to be recognized as someone who "associates" with you.

Honestly, I would give you a lot more credit for at least attempting to post something with ANY sort of insight, humor, clever wit, ANYTHING. STOP REPOSTING STUPID ASS BULLETINS!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

As If Blowout Haircuts Weren't Bad Enough Already

Those of you who know me know that I really can't stand the blowout hairstyle that has been sweeping college campuses recently. It looks ridiculous, and the guys who tend to wear this hairstyle also tend to be complete herbs. That being said...

Today in class there were about four seats left when this Gotti-boy wanna-be walks in with his jeans tucked into his boots, his oversized down jacket with the fluffy fur around the edge of the hood, his indoor sunglasses, and of course, the blowout hair cut. He chooses the seat that happens to be directly in front of me. Great. Now I also have the privelege of smelling his knockoff Armani cologne as well. And as if that all wasn't bad enough, I now have a new reason to hate blowout hair cuts: I had trouble taking notes because I couldn't see the chalk board well with Sonic the Hedgehog sitting in front of me. Get a fucking normal hair cut please.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Et cetera II

I am now back at school in Oneonta. It has been a couple of pretty wild days/nights so far, but classes start tomorrow so things should settle down. It is great to be back in the 2-3-1 with everyone.

Here are a couple links to tide you over until I post an actual entry:

Dress Jesus (at the risk of going to hell)

Like Boobies?

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Chillin' Like a Villain

I busted out the phrase "Chillin' like a villain" in conversation today. I'm not sure why, but it yielded an extremely hilarious observation by Paul:

"I'd like to chill like a villain. I mean, what could be more relaxing than high speed chases with the fuzz? And then sleeping in run-down motels in a state of paranoia?"

I had never even made the connection to the oxymoronic nature of this phrase. Funny stuff.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Television Commercials

Here are some commercials that are on TV right now that I find to be funny/stupid/interesting/catchy...

Liberty Medical - I love the way this guy says diabetes. Instead of "die-uh-bee-tees," he pronounces it "die-uh-beet-iss." Not only does he mispronounce the word, but he has this accent that I think makes it even funnier. He also has a killer mustache that I envy. Other than that, I don't really have any qualms with this one. It just cracks me up whenever I see it (usually during The Price is Right). "Die-uh-beet-iss" testing supplies. Thank you, sir.

989 - I am not too familiar with the whole 989 thing (in our dorm room we receive your pretty standard 70 or so channels), but unfamiliarity with a certain topic has never really stopped me from forming an opinion about it. From what I have gathered, it seems to be some sort of advertising scheme for local businesses. What the fuck? Isn't that what commercials are for in the first place? Why do we need a whole channel devoted to it? I submit that we don't. And the guy who hosts it, Rod Wankel, is a total stanley. His name includes the words "Rod" and "Wank." There is no way he could possibly bring anything to the table that is worth my time.

Milwaukee's Best Light - "Brewed for a man's taste." Who the fuck are they trying to kid? Other than Genny, any ice beer, and Colt 45, I can't think of any beer right now that I like as little as Milwaukee's Best. The only reason it could possibly be brewed for a man's taste is that women find it so repulsive, even the minority of females that enjoy beer can't drink this piss water known to most as "beast." That nickname should tell you something right there. Brewed for my taste. Right. There's nothing I want more than a crisp, cold, delicious Milwaukee's Best Light. Mmmmmm...barf.

Baby - I found this commercial absolutely baffling. I'm still not sure what the point of it was. I have only seen this commercial one time, and it's probably the only time I will ever see it. It's just this guy, Stephen Collins (actor, father) talking about the miracle of having a baby. It's in black and white, which makes it a little more dramatic I guess. This chav drones on for a while about fatherhood and being an actor or something (I was too busy trying to figure out what was going on) before the climax at the end of the commercial: a website address. Baby.com. I was left just thinking "What the fuck?" I refuse to visit this link, so someone else try it and let me know what this is all about.

Snickers - This commercial kind of caught me off guard because Snickers commercials usually aren't intended to be funny; at least, they don't come off that way. This one portrays a guy in an office with various Snickers bars glued or taped to his head. A female co-worker of his comments on the fact that "no one is fooled" by his attempt to cover up his balding head. The commercial ends with a slogan: "It's only satisfying if you eat it." Clever, funny, and memorable. At least they made an attempt at humor, which is more than most commercials can say.

Hoveround - This commercial pisses me off for a number of reasons. For one thing, I'm not too familiar with Medicare/Medicaid/senior citizen benefits, but I'm pretty sure that the chances of getting a Hoveround at "absolutely no cost" is pretty slim. Somebody is going to be paying for it. Aside from the visually displeasing scenarios which are shown in this commercial (e.g., the kids roller blading outside with grandpa in his Hoveround, the lady navigating her Hoveround through the supermarket aisle like a Formula 1 racecar driver, and, among others, ending with the two old bags in their Hoverounds sitting atop the GRAND CANYON - I won't even elaborate on that), the thought that one day I may actually need one of these things just creeps me out. Bah, I never want to get old.

That's all for now. Keep an eye out for Television Commercials: Superbowl Edition!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Movie Review: Hostel

I saw Hostel a few days ago. Despite poor reviews, I thought I'd give it a chance.
The first third is filled with 20-something male humor, a little plot development, and LOTS OF TITTIES. Seriously, though, there are more full boob shots in this movie than any other rated-R movie I have ever seen or heard about. Okay, now I'll leave the 14-year-old inside me behind for a few minutes.
I actually laughed a lot during the first third or so of the movie. Not at any bad acting, poorly simulated gore, or anything of that nature. It actually is pretty funny. The writing is clever and the lines are well-delivered for the most part.
About half-way through the movie, you can tell it is heading for a fucked up destination. The scenes no longer have any humor, the suspense builds up, characters start disappearing mysteriously. Although the majority of the movie is not especially grotesque or fucked up, I can tell you honestly that it makes up for it with a select few scenes. It's not anything vomit-inducing, but it's pretty fucking disgusting.
I read one review in which the writer said that Eli Roth wrote himself into a hole and just barely managed to get out, or something along those lines. I didn't find this to be true. At no point during the movie did I find myself bored or uninterested. I thought the ending was good, despite having the usual end-of-the-movie coincidences where you find yourself thinking "That would never happen in real life." Almost every movie has those, so it's not something I would hold against Hostel. Also, the whole concept for the movie is something that I'd never heard of before. It's not the scariest movie I've ever seen, by far; it is, however, something realistic, which makes the viewer realize that it actually could happen. For me, that makes it a lot scarier than any supernatural or sci-fi thriller or anything of that sort. I'm not sure if I'd recommend paying exorbitant movie prices to go see Hostel, but I'd definitely recommend seeing it at some point.

Overall Rating for Hostel: B

Monday, January 09, 2006

Poll (long entry)

I'm going to start doing various polls whenever I come up with something. I'll try to do a new one at least once a week. This first one is about something I saw in the Ithaca Journal (local newspaper). I was browsing the local section of the newspaper, and I stumbled across the title Pornography driving wedge between them. I then notice that it is in the "Ask Amy" section, an advice column similar to "Dear Abby" or something of that nature. Anyway, the people write to this Amy Dickinson lady for advice, and after reading the first letter and Amy's response to it, I was baffled. Here it is:

"Dear Amy: My husband of 36 years is obsessed with pornography, which he watches on TV. He has been building this obsession for about five years, unbeknownst to me (we had not been intimate during this time). I discovered this issue in a very unfortunate way and became infuriated and left our bed. I thought that I was the problem, so I initiated intimacy with him, and we became a couple again, but he still watches porn and "performs," thinking that I am not aware of him doing so. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with this. Our lovemaking is one-sided and only occurs when I initiate it, or when he was been drinking. He refuses to stop viewing porn, and he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I feel he is cheating on me. I am an attractive, middle-aged woman. How should I deal with this?

Dear Worried: Of course your husband is going to deny that his porn obsession is wrong. If he accepts that he has a problem, then he'll have to do something about it, and we all know that pornography is much less work than self-awareness. But really -- pornography is wasting your husband's time and energy. He is violating some of the promises he made to you when you got married all of those years ago. You don't help matters by silently witnessing your husband's "performances" without raising this issue with him. Please try to get your husband to sit down with a marriage counselor to talk about this. He might be facing some libido issues brought on by depression, age or alcohol use. He is taking the easy way out, but he deserves a chance to get his life in order, and you deserve the opportunity to be there when he does. If he won't go, go on your own. In the meantime, you might want to contact your cable company to review your channel options. Your husband could probably use a little more 'TLC' and a little less Playboy."


So many things about this pissed me off. The main thing, however, should be very apparent to anyone who paid attention while reading this: "My husband of 36 years is obsessed with pornography, which he watches on TV. He has been building this obsession for about five years, unbeknownst to me (we had not been intimate during this time)." So basically, this woman isn't even having sex with her husband, and then she wonders why he turns to porn?! She's lucky she's not already divorced in my opinion.
It continues, though. If she watches him waxing his carrot to some porn and doesn't say anything at the time, what kind of message is that giving to the poor guy? She's sending him mixed signals at best.
Now, try putting some different parts of the article together: he only fucks her when he's drunk, she supposedly initiates all the lovemaking, he refuses to stop watching porn, she feels he is cheating on her...then what does she conclude from that? "I am an attractive, middle-aged woman." Sounds suspect, huh?
A number of things also bothered me about Amy Dickinson's response. Obviously she's giving a woman's side and not a male perspective on the issue. If this guy supposedly has "libido issues" but can still get it up when he's drunk to have sex with this (I'm assuming, here) ugly ass wife of his, then I give him props. And as far as this guy taking the "easy way out" goes, I agree with Ms. Dickinson; beating off to porn is a lot easier than filling out all those boring divorce papers.

What do you think? Is this guy doing anything wrong? Maybe being a guy myself, I can't see it from the woman's side very well. I really don't think there's anything wrong with watching porn, though, and I certainly don't think that this guy is violating marriage promises or anything like that. Take the poll!


Did this guy do anything wrong?


Sunday, January 08, 2006


I have temporarily switched back to a standard template instead of the custom one I had been trying (unsuccessfully) to complete. And yes, I realize the irony in having a standard template on a page dubbed "Nothing Standard Here." Oh well, not much I can do for now. Hopefully this will be a temporary thing; once I decide to re-learn some HTML and tweak the old one enough so that it doesn't look like poop, I will put it up again. Until then, I'll trust that my temporary "standardness" will not offend anyone.

Beans, Beans the Musical Fruit...

...the more you eat the more you toot...right? Wrong.

I'm convinced that beans have an undeserved reputation for producing flatulence. I'm not a bean connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination, but when I eat them I feel no differently than when I eat anything else. If anything, it only frustrates me because I don't get the resounding-echo-throughout-the-neighborhood type of farts that I had intended on letting out as a result of eating the beans. If anyone finds differently I'd be curious to hear.

What other food myths have people found to be true/false? Let me know.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Game Review: Indigo Prophecy

I recently purchased the game Indigo Prophecy for XBox. The back of it reads "Possessed by unexplainable urges, decent citizens are murdering others throughout the city. At random. In public. Control an ever-changing plot in this groundbreaking supernatural thriller that makes twists tighter with every move you make. Outsmart the cops. Uncover the truth behind your unspeakable crime. Battle dark forces as you roam the city and fall deeper into the mystery. Every choice, every action shifts and alters your journey -- you might pay dearly for your crime. Or edge closer to the unbelievable secret of the prophecy. The killer is you."

Sounds sweet right? I thought so.

I started playing the game, and it wass immediately addicting. Remember those "pick your own ending" mystery books where every so often you'd have to make a decision and you'd go to a different page depending on which course of action you wanted to take? This game has a similar concept. The plot line was intriguing, and you got to play a number of different characters relating to the story. I won't spoil it in case anyone decides to buy it, but it really is a sweet game.

It differs from most games in that it's not a "go here and kill a bunch of guys" and then "go there and slaughter some hookers" or anything like that. In fact, you don't directly kill anyone yourself. There aren't any buttons to kick, punch, or do secret moves. It's all about thinking and how you want to interact with people and objects in each scenario.

My only qualm with the game is that it wasn't long enough. Given, I played the game almost non-stop from when I got it until I beat it, but it took me less than a day to beat.

I'd recommend this game for anyone who likes murder mysteries (books, shows, games, whatever). It has a solid, original plot line and I was hooked immediately.

Overall Rating for Indigo Prophecy: B+

Fucking A

I cannot stress enough how sometimes the most insignificant things can just make me so irritated. I was delivering for Pizza Hut tonight, and I was listening to my usual dose of NPR. It was a pretty good experience, as usual, until this one lady came on to talk about Financial Planning for the New Year. I don't remember her name; all I remember is that she repeatedly said ECK-CETERA or EX-ETERA. For christ's sake, the phrase is ET CETERA! How can you possibly be on a nationally broadcasted radio talk show and be taken seriously saying shit like ECK-CETERA?! There is neither a "K" nor an "X" in the phrase ET CETERA. This woman might as well have been saying "li-bary" or "pun-kin" or something equally moronic. As George Carlin wisely stated once, "Pay attention to the language we've all agreed upon!"

Friday, January 06, 2006

G'd Up From the Feet Up

Anyone who knows me well should know that I am one of the most fashion-savvy people you could ever meet. I am always checking for the latest fashion updates and am a constant reader of fashion magazines such as Elle, Glamour, and of course Iconique. You can't be trendy and hip if you don't read Iconique. Keeping all these things in mind, I think I'm in a fairly good position to predict the next fashion trend. Given that I'm also "G'd Up From the Feet Up" and completely in tune with hip-hop culture, I'm going to make my prediction in that style of clothing.

(okay, you caught me...I just found those magazines in a Google search, and I am probably the whitest guy on the block. But for the sake of mildly amusing writing, I give you...)

The next hip-hop fashion trend: OVER-SIZED SHOES!

Think about it; remember Run DMC?

Now those guys were cool. Where has hip-hop clothing evolved to since then? I'll tell you where. Everything has gotten larger.

Pants are worn so far below the waist that often the "boxer shorts" or "tighty whities" are exposed. The pants are so baggy that, if seen from the side, could easily be mistaken for a skirt (or a kilt, if someone happens to wear extremely baggy plaid pants). That's somewhat of an old trend, though; baggy pants have been around for a while, it's just recently that they seem to have taken a ridiculous turn for the worse. I won't even get into these shorts that could easily be pants if they had another couple inches added to the bottom.

Although "bling bling" or "ice," as it is commonly referred to nowadays, was quite large back in the day, it is now larger than ever. It is more expensive, more flashy, and more HUGE! The bigger your necklace, watch, or earrings, the better.

Hats used to actually fit the person. Now, ironically, they are called "fitteds" and DON'T FIT THE PERSON. I don't understand this at all. As far as I know, 59Fifty is the most popular brand of these "fitted" hats. They always seem to poof off the person's head, and are worn so that their eyes are shaded or almost covered by the (uncurved) brim. Remember a long time ago when you weren't cool unless you had a half-circle curve on your brim? Man, those were the days.

Lastly, let's look at t-shirts. Typically, but not always, it's a standard "white tee" as it is called in the hip-hop world. More often than not, the bottom hangs down all the way to the knee or even longer in some cases, and the sleeves go well past the elbow, partially covering the forearm! It's true. T-shirts in the hip-hop culture are growing at an exponential rate.

Given all this, I submit that the only thing in the wardrobe left to catch on to this current theory of "Bigger is Better" is the shoes. So in the upcoming months, if you see gangstas and homeboys wearing shoes a few sizes too big, you'll know who called it first.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Knife Fits

I've changed the banner at the top of my page from generic Google Ads to The Knife Fits. It's a clothing company started by a few guys I know and they're going to have some really good stuff very soon. You can see some designs on their Myspace page. I also linked them on the right in my links section. Now go check their stuff out!


If anyone reading this ever gets rich or famous enough to have their home shown on MTV Cribs, please spare me the part at the end where most people (not all, but most) say something along the lines of "Get the hell out' my house!" Give me a break. Not even 10 minutes ago, you were all too eager to show us your fancy chandelier, (unopened) bottle of Krystal, expensive "whips" and everything else. So don't pretend like you didn't jump at the chance to flaunt your extravagant lifestyle (and superiority complex) for all of America to see.

Obviously, it would be nice to have that much money though, haha.

Monday, January 02, 2006


I sort of can't believe that it's already 2006. Lately, everything has been making me feel really old. Although I am a mere 21 years of age, it feels a lot older than it sounds. Gah, I can't imagine what I'll be like at 40. Anyway, I hope everyone's new year started off safely and happily; mine definitely did.

I've taken an anti-making a new year's resolution stance the past few years, and I continued that tradition this year. They never seem to work out, so I guess I'll continue living my life like I have been and hope for the best.

I don't work again until Friday, so this should be a week where I actually do some writing; we'll see how that actually works out.

Post Script: You will very rarely see any sports commentary in my blog, but two things happened since I posted last that I thought were worthy of noting:

- The Michigan vs. Nebraska football game (The Alamo Bowl, I think) was a fucking joke. I admittedly don't follow college sports very much, or sports in general I guess, but I can tell a poorly refereed game when I see one. This game was by far the worst I have ever seen. Michigan clearly outplayed Nebraska from what I saw, and despite these horrendous officials, could have pulled off a win on the last play (which was insane). Oh well.
- Doug Flutie kicked a drop-kick field goal in the Patriots game this past week. I don't really like the Patriots, but I liked Doug Flutie when he was in Buffalo for those couple years. For the record, it has been 64 years since the last drop-kick was made in the NFL, two weeks after Pearl Harbor. Anyway, maybe you don't care but I thought it was interesting.