Poll (long entry)

I'm going to start doing various polls whenever I come up with something. I'll try to do a new one at least once a week. This first one is about something I saw in the Ithaca Journal (local newspaper). I was browsing the local section of the newspaper, and I stumbled across the title Pornography driving wedge between them. I then notice that it is in the "Ask Amy" section, an advice column similar to "Dear Abby" or something of that nature. Anyway, the people write to this Amy Dickinson lady for advice, and after reading the first letter and Amy's response to it, I was baffled. Here it is:

"Dear Amy: My husband of 36 years is obsessed with pornography, which he watches on TV. He has been building this obsession for about five years, unbeknownst to me (we had not been intimate during this time). I discovered this issue in a very unfortunate way and became infuriated and left our bed. I thought that I was the problem, so I initiated intimacy with him, and we became a couple again, but he still watches porn and "performs," thinking that I am not aware of him doing so. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with this. Our lovemaking is one-sided and only occurs when I initiate it, or when he was been drinking. He refuses to stop viewing porn, and he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I feel he is cheating on me. I am an attractive, middle-aged woman. How should I deal with this?
-Worried

Dear Worried: Of course your husband is going to deny that his porn obsession is wrong. If he accepts that he has a problem, then he'll have to do something about it, and we all know that pornography is much less work than self-awareness. But really -- pornography is wasting your husband's time and energy. He is violating some of the promises he made to you when you got married all of those years ago. You don't help matters by silently witnessing your husband's "performances" without raising this issue with him. Please try to get your husband to sit down with a marriage counselor to talk about this. He might be facing some libido issues brought on by depression, age or alcohol use. He is taking the easy way out, but he deserves a chance to get his life in order, and you deserve the opportunity to be there when he does. If he won't go, go on your own. In the meantime, you might want to contact your cable company to review your channel options. Your husband could probably use a little more 'TLC' and a little less Playboy."

WOW!

So many things about this pissed me off. The main thing, however, should be very apparent to anyone who paid attention while reading this: "My husband of 36 years is obsessed with pornography, which he watches on TV. He has been building this obsession for about five years, unbeknownst to me (we had not been intimate during this time)." So basically, this woman isn't even having sex with her husband, and then she wonders why he turns to porn?! She's lucky she's not already divorced in my opinion.
It continues, though. If she watches him waxing his carrot to some porn and doesn't say anything at the time, what kind of message is that giving to the poor guy? She's sending him mixed signals at best.
Now, try putting some different parts of the article together: he only fucks her when he's drunk, she supposedly initiates all the lovemaking, he refuses to stop watching porn, she feels he is cheating on her...then what does she conclude from that? "I am an attractive, middle-aged woman." Sounds suspect, huh?
A number of things also bothered me about Amy Dickinson's response. Obviously she's giving a woman's side and not a male perspective on the issue. If this guy supposedly has "libido issues" but can still get it up when he's drunk to have sex with this (I'm assuming, here) ugly ass wife of his, then I give him props. And as far as this guy taking the "easy way out" goes, I agree with Ms. Dickinson; beating off to porn is a lot easier than filling out all those boring divorce papers.

What do you think? Is this guy doing anything wrong? Maybe being a guy myself, I can't see it from the woman's side very well. I really don't think there's anything wrong with watching porn, though, and I certainly don't think that this guy is violating marriage promises or anything like that. Take the poll!

MARRIED PORN WATCHER

Did this guy do anything wrong? Yes No Undecided Current Results